QUESTION: About a month ago, my boyfriend of a little over a year and I began a long distance relationship when he moved 2,000 miles across the country from where we both lived in PA. We have never had a single problem, not even a fight (though we have had debates). He is the greatest boyfriend and I trust him completely! But, it's his best friend/bandmate I don't trust. He has different views on relationships than my boyfriend does, and he keeps telling both of us that we should break up and that it won't work, etc because we're too young. I feel so pressured even though my relationship with my boyfriend is everything I could ever imagine it to be. He has said to me that my boyfriend is really being held back (in terms of single women). This makes me feel awful and upset, even though I completely trust my boyfriend. His friend thinks we're just being stupid and young and naive, but I believe in us! Ultimately, my question is: Should we really expand our horizons at 16 and 18 years old? I don't want to, but I admit that it isn't ordinary to be in a serious relationship at this age. It's not like we're obsessed with each other or babbling about marriage; we just want to be together now, and in the future when I graduate! Thank you so much for your input(s).
Sincerely,
Bamboozled by the Bandmate
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ANSWER: If you want to be with your boyfriend, and he wants to be with you, I see zero reason why you HAVE to break up just because you are 16 and 18 years old.
While these are not exact comparisons, they are the best I can think of at the moment... Do you have to eat glass to find out it doesn’t taste as good as cake? Do you need to drink paint to see if it is better than drinking water? The answers are no. You can know that you have something good without having to ‘expand your horizons’ as you said. In fact, I think you have good head on your shoulders when you say that all you want to do is be together now and in the future. When you are 16 and 18 years old, your body chemistry is still changing and you are still developing; your likes and dislikes are apt to change as you get older. This is why some people would suggest that you do not commit (marriage) at such an early age.
In my ultimate opinion, your boyfriend should NOT listen to what his friend says when it comes to his personal relationship with you. This bandmate is not involved in every conversation you have, nor is he able to know what you both feel inside you.
There will always be naysayers to long distance relationships and there will always be naysayers to young relationships, as well. Stay strong and follow what you want to do.
The one part of your question that raises a question in me is how you say you trust your boyfriend completely, yet you seem to be afraid that a best friend bandmate will convince him that he shouldn’t be with you. Has there ever been anything to make you doubt that he would want to leave you? Is your boyfriend someone who is easily convinced to do things that he would normally not do while under pressure? People have friends for different reasons. And, in this case, I am guessing your boyfriend does not have this bandmate as his friend for relationship advice - and he should definitely make that clear to his friend that his negative views are not welcome.
I think that maybe this bandmate is potentially jealous that your boyfriend has a girlfriend that he is so committed to, and your boyfriend can’t hang out with the bandmate as much, maybe. So the bandmate is telling your boyfriend to leave you so he can do anything with anyone. This is all just assumption, but I have heard of this happening in other relationships before. There is a friend who just doesn’t understand long distance relationships and thinks they are a load of junk. If your boyfriend puts his foot down and sticks up for his relationship, eventually his bandmate friend will ease off and stop telling him to leave you.
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